jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
