Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
