I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
