You can't special order awesome
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
A bitchslap is in order.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
