i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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