I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
