best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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