This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
