so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
