3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
