the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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