The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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