you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
