That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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