After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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