somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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