BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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