walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
