I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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