My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It all started with a game of naked twister.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
