Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
