Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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