Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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