well I can't set my house on fire every night
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
