My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
