is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
