Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize