bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
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Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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