there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
