Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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