I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
