I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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