Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
