I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
