if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
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My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
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I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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