need another drink. this is the easiest way
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
