no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
