I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
