His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
