I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
