I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
