i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
