Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
