i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
