we made out on top of his cat.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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