it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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