I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
