I CAN MOONWALK!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
