are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
