There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
