Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
