I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
