I cannot find my penis.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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