Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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