What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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