Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
