My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
