My room smells like vodka and shame
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
