Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
