A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
