"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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