Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
