I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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