Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
