Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Randomize
