Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
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Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
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Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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