I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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